pink, berry bad

If I wanted to see a fat Polish guy with a skinny, almost hot girl, tip the door guy a fiver to get in (and another one on the way out), I would have stayed in L.A.

After catching a total of 3 notes of classical music at the Philharmonic in the Park and some fireworks blocked by trees and fat New Yorkers, it was a friend's decision to introduce us to Pinkberry. From the sound of it, we imagined sweet yet simple yogurt oozing from an angel's teat only to capture the most luscious of fruits and Cap'n Crunch nugglets on the way down to our mouths. Walking 5 avenues and arriving 10 minutes before closing, we are presented with a line of 25 people waiting to suck from the very same bosom of Pink, before she shuts her doors for a much needed rest and refill.

Excitement is brewing as we discuss the multitude of topping combinations, from Fruity Pebbles to mango to lychee. I overlook the price for the time-being.

Finally, our turn. A small (I'm not falling for that shit) cup, plain yogurt, rasberries, cookies'n'cream.

Three meaningful letters come to mind as the cool divinity dissolves on the tongue... W - T - F.

On Hate: this might as well be white ice, it's cold and has no creaminess whatsoever. Sure, if you're into JAPs in Hardtail sweatpants thinking that Pinkberry is the way to lose their muffintops just in time for next weekend's trip to the Hamptons (probably more like Quogue), staying in a pseudo frat house with 13 of similar species who all complain about being too fat because Pinkberry is so good, then this is the place for you. OK, the fruit was fresh (at least by NY's standards) and the cookies'n'cream had chocolate in it.

Now it's impossible to overlook the cost. Plus, seeing my friend's large with an igloo-sized hollow center didn't help the cause. Back to the Polish guy, the door was now closed and we are outside, enter scene from Guido nightclub: At first he tried the typical "I was already in line," but in the end had to bust out a Lincoln. I estimate he got out of there just under $20 for one medium-sized cup of poop, but he'll be paying for it for the rest of his life.

Save your time, your money, and most importantly, your reputation. There's a reason Korea is shoveling this icey shit on us.